my drunken father came home, pointed at my socks and said ‘what the fuck are those’
lady gaga’s dog is wearing my college tuition around her neck
Watch that dog get robbed real quick.
…can you rob an animal?
If i see it on the street we gone find out.
oh look it’s the leader of the free world breaking the cardinal rule of chipotle
"Retract your arm immediately, Mr. President"
Do you think every president goes through a awkward first few weeks in office when they’re not sure when’s the right time to ask if aliens are real or not?
so APPARENTLY the turn it off and on again method doesnt work for life support machines